Where are you?

This would be the sweetest thing I would wanna tell the man who truly makes me understand that love still exist.

The wedding vow:

Because of you my world in now whole.
Because of you, love lives inside my soul.
Because of you I have laughter in my eyes.
Because of you, I'm not longer afraid of goodbyes.
You are my pillar, my stone of strength. 
With me through all seasons and great times of length.
My love for you is pure, boundless through space and time. Stronger with every day with the knowledge that you'll always be mine.
At the alter I will joyously say "I do", for I have it all now, and it's all because of you.



Ps: shoot me! For I'm an hopeless romantic.

Look at me.

Who is that girl I see? Staring straight back at me. When will my reflection show, who I am inside? I'm at a point of no return, so afraid of getting burned, but I wanna take a chance. Please give me a reason to believe, that everything in this world happens for a concrete reason. Why does it hurt? Who made love this painful? Who made attachments and relationships this hurtful? Who made trust so fragile? I have so many questions running through my mind, but I can't seem to find my reasons. I can't seem to understand why happiness is so distant. When will I see the light at the end of the tunnel? When will I be accepted in this dishonest society? When will I become one of them?

Happiness

Happiness, big word with very small concepts. Happiness is when a baby gives u his biggest toothless grin. Happiness is when u close ur eyes and sing with no anxiety or fear of being judged. Happiness is when you lie on a field watching the beautiful clear blue sky with seriously no thoughts running through ur mind. Happiness is when you can enjoy the sights and sounds of nature with no stressful events running through your mind. Happiness is when god finally enters your heart and purifies ur body and soul. Happiness, big word, small concepts.

Time flies.

Been ages since I last blogged. Well where can I start? Or what can I say? Should I start with how smoking and drinking were my best friends months ago? I turned ugly. I lost myself and sold my soul to the devil. I couldn't even recognize myself. My soul was dirty and filled to the brim with poison. Every single day I was poisoning my body with cigarettes. What was I thinking? using foul words like it was part of my life. I was starting to live other people's rotten lives and I was carrying all their problems on my shoulders.

Today I stand, far away from all those chemicals and further away from all those who brought me there. And I'm proud to say that I have found myself, not the same old me but someone who used to be me. Anyway, who am I? I'm always the one running to carry other people's burdens on my heavy shoulders. Today I don't feel like helping anyone. I don't find a need to over work myself to earn extra to keep everyone around me happy. I guess I have finally learnt that helping everyone doesn't necessarily makes me happy. I'm learning to help myself. And that's progress.

As for my dad. I have finally learned to let go. Memories are bitterly beautiful.

10months ago.

10 months ago I thought everything was going to be okay, but I was wrong. Everything seemed to turn ugly instead. Missing you is not just a thought, it's much deeper than pain itself. Where are you? And why did you have to leave?! Days go by quickly but the pain within remains. I can't sleep in peace anymore. I have constant nightmares of the hospital calling me and telling "pls come down immediately, your father has collapsed, we are resuscitating him now." nightmares are uglier each day. And I can't express it. No one is going to understand. They say, when it's over, IT'S OVER. They lied! It's never over, it's a new beginning to something much more scarier. I'm scared and I'm lonely. Very lonely. I have so many things running through my mind every minute. Most are scary ones. Even after 10months.

Bewafa!

Punjabi

Gal Sun Mere tu mutiyare,
Ki samjhe apne aap nu?
Mere vangaro tu Ki ki kardi,
ae gal bus tu hi jandi,
Menu sufayan pesh na kar,
rab kolo thora jeha durr!!
Sikh ja ke pyar karne de val,
jhoote sang sade ik ik pal.

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu!!

Jado nere mere kol tu hove,
yaadaan vichh door tu khove.
Sanu sadni ae naa oda leke,
tenu pende ode phuleke.
Menu kuch kendi na hun lor,
mera dil torke tu na hun tor,
yaa tere chaida na ho,
saade pyar di nishaniyat tu mor.

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu!!

Mere zindagi’ch kyu tu ayi?
yaari kyu ni tu nibhayi?
Kiti sadi naal bewafayi,
sanu de kuriyee jawaab?
dus de keri gul di,
sanu deriyee sazaaaa??
Rowe gi menu yaad karke,
rowe gi menu yaad karke!!

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu!!

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tuu!!



English


Listen to me darling,
Who/ what do you think you are?
What you do behind my back
Only you know this,
Stop giving me excuses
And be at least a little scared of God,
Go and learn how to truly love someone,
All of our moments together were a lie.

Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me
Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me

when ever you’re with me,
You get lost in your memories
You sadden me by saying his name,
Your happiness comes from him
I don’t need to say anything now,
You’ve already broken my heart, don’t break it more,
Whether I need you or not,
Give back the significance of out love.

Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me
Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me

why did you come into my life?
Why didn’t you stand by me?
You betrayed me,
Girl, give me an answer,
Tell me what my mistake was,
That you’ve given me this punishment,
You’re going to remember me and cry,
You’re going to remember me and cry!!

Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me
Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me

Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me
Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me

love.

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are :)

-Bruno Mars