oi MAHEN!

enna la ithu? all the while i thought this bala thing was a totally ulluthas! hahaha. that poor boy. and poor me. haha..i am not marrying him, pls get that in ur thick skull. hahahahahahaha. anyway, thanks mahen, for randomly trying to get me hitched. thats really sweet. buttttttt....

Hello Tuesday

I'm so tired actually! Having lectures right after lunch is definitely a bad idea. The aircon is just contributing to the sleepy factor. The day so far has been a drag!! Right now I'm blogging, dearest fiezah is eating seaweed, Sindhu is talking crap and the rest are going crazy. The teacher is super boring. School ends at 5 today, going to pay respect to my classmate's grandmother whom has passed on. I intend to buy some flowers. After that I have to meet vani akka to collect a textbook for school.. Hmmm.. Nothing exciting. Just another day in this life.

hey YOU!

hey you, yes you. i'm talking to you! that tall indian guy! you annoying orange! all the best for your exams ok. you can do it. nothing in this world is tougher than our spirit! so be positive yaar. I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you. so u better pass you clown! achar? anyway, if i ever hear you talk abt the 7/11 job, i swear i will bite ur left ear off! naayee, study so hard to work in 7/11 isit? all the best ok. rmrb, POSITIVE!!!

dear daddy.

god, why do u give pain together with happiness? wads real and wads not?

i know its a love song but the words are beautiful.

"Kalainthalum megham athu meendhum medhakum
Adhu pola thaaney undhan kadhal ennakum
Nadai padhai vilaka kadhal viluntha uddan nadaipathuku
Nerupalum mudiyath amma nineivugalai allipathuku
Unnakaga kathirrupen oh
Uyirodu paarthirrupen oh "

-miss u daddy so much. with each passing cloud i wonder when we'll meet again. i doubt you'll rmbr me. but i always will daddy. i will always rmbr you. with all my heart and soul. i wanna do thrilling things daddy. something that will make my heart race so quickly. something that will bring thrilling moments, like defying gravity. i have been smoking. not the most proudest thing in my life. -i still rmbr how you say that smoking helps you think. haha. were you seriously kidding? or did you mean it? i miss you daddy, so much. i miss calling you appa. i suddenly feel that the word appa is distant.it hurtss daddy that i cant see you or talk to you anymore. life is not the same anymore. blogging about you burns a hole in my heart. i cant express this feeling to anyone daddy. only you know me best in this whole world. i guess in a way you have cheated me too, just like how pugeynes's daddy cheated her. are yall still friends up there? do send my regards to uncle. and pls tell god that your daughter doesn't want you to be born again. its a torture down here on earth daddy. you dont need this anymore. daddy, i have enrolled myself for class 2b bike license. i'm so thrilled by it. i cant wait to start attending lessons. i'm gonna do this for myself now daddy. i know i can do it. i wanted it so bad for so long. i am looking forward to the day when i'm riding on the road in the cool breeze, at night, just me and myself feeling at ease. finally im doing it. dont worry daddy, i will be safe.as long as you are looking after me. and dont worry daddy, i will still take the car license no matter wad happens. i know you'll say "do whatever you think is right, just rmbr to take the car license too" hahaha. i miss your sense of humor daddy. my dearest old man. i hope you'll get this letter. (at least i can live on with the faith that you did)

:) stay positive. best is yet to be.

insemination.

Artificial insemination , or AI, is the process by which sperm is placed into the reproductive tract of a female for the purpose of impregnating the female by using means other than sexual intercourse. In humans, it is used as assisted reproductive technology, using either sperm from the woman's male partner or sperm from a sperm donor (donor sperm) in cases where the male partner produces no sperm or the woman has no male partner.

Specifically, freshly ejaculated sperm, or sperm which has been frozen and thawed, is placed in the cervix (intracervical insemination – ICI) or, after washing, into the female's uterus (intrauterine insemination – IUI) by artificial means.

In humans, artificial insemination was originally developed as a means of helping couples to conceive where there were 'male factor' problems of a physical or psychological nature affecting the male partner which prevented or impeded conception. Today, the process is also and more commonly used in the case of choice mothers, where a woman has no male partner and the sperm is provided by or on behalf of a sperm donor.

if i dont meet anyone worthy, i would love to be a choice mother. cos i want a child. my own child.

where u?

i have not spoken to mahen in 24hours.

mahendran, where are u? havent you realize by now that my days are incomplete w/o u?! without ur yelling, irritation and ignorance, i feel empty! something  is definitely not going well on ur side. i hope it'll get better soon. cos i miss u yaar, the only annoying orange i will ever miss is u!

clown!

Papa dearest :)

Not a day goes by without me missing you dearest appa. How I'm still wishing that all this was a very horrible and bad nightmare. I took you for granted. Everything you said and did for me all remains in my memory vividly. I have put you down one too many times but you have always brushed it aside. You know appa, there were so many things that I wanted to do for you. But just before I can do it, you decided to pull the plug. I wanted to take driving pa, I wanted to rent a car and drive you around the whole week after I pass my tp. I know that would have made you happy. You wanted to dine in at jack's place days before your admission at tan tock seng, I had the money, and I rmbr telling you "let's go appa", you ever so nicely said "it's ok ma, keep the money, don't waste it." why appa? Why did you act like everything was ok when really nothing was ok? When you were critically ill at nuh, you always smiled to hide your misery, you gave me hope to believe, while you struggled to fight the battle. On my birthday this year, I visited you. Your eyes were wide open, you were excersizing your hands. You looked so cute. I asked you whether you rmbrd wad day it was, you nodded your head. I told u I was 22, u looked at me amazed. You then touched my face and u started crying, you hugged me. I cried and cried. That day was a torture appa. It was so painful. I miss u appa. Who's gonna hear me out now? Hmmm..