E.O.L
End Of Life they call it. Now aatha's cancer is spreading, she's struggling to stay awake and she has lost all her strength to carry on. Her movements are now minimal. The hospice doctor has stopped all her current medication instead he has started her on Morphine (the happy medicine for cancer patients). She perspires very badly this days. She doesn't wake up to persistent calling. She is just slowly preparing us for her final departure. I don't know how to react to this situation. I can't seem to let go. I sincerely love her from the bottom of my apex. And i'm feeling so miserable. I cry secretly behind my closed doors. I have to appear brave for the others whom are much weaker than me. Today i saw the worries and sorrows filling Vilasini sinama's eyes as she spoke about aatha. Aatha's condition is taking a toll on her too. Our family is shaken, Aatha has always kept us together. She was always there and somehow, we all took her for granted. Now that when she's leaving us all for GOOD or for BAD, we seem to realise the importance of her presence.
How can i tell aatha that i love her and i am grateful for having her?? How am i going to tell her that i'll miss her?? I can't imagine doing her last rights for her..I just can't!
I still remember that LAST SUNDAY we all had with her. Her face, her voice, her touch all still lingers around me. I can't forget the look on her eyes when were all leaving that day. She knew her operation was coming that following Tuesday. She looked helpless, frightened, unsure, sad and lost..but yet she sent us off at the gate smiling.
Why is cancer so selfish? It has taken away so many peoples' happiness.
How i wish all this was a BAD DREAM! I wish i can wake up tomorrow and call Aatha house just to hear her voice over the phone..how i wish.
"Aatha, please don't go.."
