Now what?

I dunno wads life driving at. I'm 23 this year, I look at my other girl friends, they are either attached or getting married. I used to be least bothered about all this but I guess it's finally hitting me. When will I meet someone nice and how will life change? I often get panic attacks for no rhyme or reasons this days. I over think a lot! And I freak myself out easily. Am I going mad? I wonder.. Oh yes, I have developed a distinct dislike for private nursing. I just don't feel like working so hard. I have been working like a dog since I have graduated from ITE. I never had a chance to take a break. I just always had countless bills and debts to settle. I used to work so hard to please the people around me. Now I'm questioning myself on why I did all those things. I just don't know. Sutha Akka mentioned that perhaps I should go for a short holiday to unwind and come back with a whole bag of positivity. But where do I go for the money to fund a holiday? What do I do? I'm so confused. How I wish someone will come along and allay all my anxiety. Oh by the way, yesterday was bad. I got reminded of my father's departure. God! I was crying like a baby in the bus back from sutha akka's place. I just miss him so much. Bloody old man! Why did he have to die?! That's still the golden question..isn't it?