So the randomness continues...
We hung out often, he introduced me to more random people. The list of randomness and random moments just keeps growing and I am still stuck here trying to absorb it all.
"Our random friendship has led us to extremely random moments. I hope Buddha is watching all this. He's one major factor to this natpu! I bet even he is laughing and rolling in his throne watching us...may the randomness continue.."-me
“Yaya... Random la pa...Our Random meeting in Buddhist Lodge led us to vaanga palagalaam..Then we became so close of watching movie together, hanging out together, eating together, overnighting at your place till 4am and KISSING each other because of a stupid game. What's next? Vaanga Padukkalaam!!! LOL!!!” -him
Cheers to our random friendship. And please, no vaanga Padukkalaam all!-so scary naa!
From the bottom left hand corner of my apex, I am developing a tiny space for him. I am starting to adore him more, his little smile, his annoying “ah erm, veereh?, Approm?, sollitiya?”, the way his ears twitch involuntarily (it’s random you know), his be-dazzling eyes, his soft-hearted attitude (which always gets him into trouble!), and his ever so adorable laughter! But you know what, I can’t ask for anything more. Cause’ what we share now is sacred and pure. It will be so disheartening if feelings got in the way and spoilt a budding friendship. Though sometimes I secretly wonder...what if? Well, whatever it is, let’s just live this life laughing and knowing that at least at one point we made an impression in someone’s life. Lets discard all negativity and live life positively.. :)
Monday, December 28, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
i gotta new way to walk..
Today was utterly random as usual. I met up with Dasuuu..awww, he's gonna go India for a short trip soon...(like tomorrow!)...and I will miss his kunjumani munji like CRAZY!
Das is indeed an awesome person. He has so much of joy and laughter all trapped inside one tiny body! And he's an handsome boy..awesome inside and out. I am really glad that we're friends. -I gotta know him through RAGU! how much more random can it all get?
well, so we hung out with Victor, das's friend. it was fun..we had a good time singing songs and eating at Ghandi's..food was freaking awesome!
After the whole singing thing, Das and I met Ragu...Victor went home. So the three of us watched a movie @ Causeway Point Cathay-THE PERFECT GETAWAY!-psycho movie. hahahaha...After that we just chilled and talked alot about life. I learned an handful today. And I hope Ragu did too. -pls read the BOOK!!!!!! It was a day well spent. I had fun. And I am glad to have met them both, somehow they both have taught me to appreciate life as it is. The more we share stories, the faster time flies!
So here I am now sitting at home and trying to find something to write in my 1500 words essay. MUST BE POSITIVE!-im gonna make this essay an awesome one! wahahahahahahaha....
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement, nothing can be done without hope and confidence."
"They may forget what you said but they will never forget how you made them feel."
"Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny."
Das is indeed an awesome person. He has so much of joy and laughter all trapped inside one tiny body! And he's an handsome boy..awesome inside and out. I am really glad that we're friends. -I gotta know him through RAGU! how much more random can it all get?
well, so we hung out with Victor, das's friend. it was fun..we had a good time singing songs and eating at Ghandi's..food was freaking awesome!
After the whole singing thing, Das and I met Ragu...Victor went home. So the three of us watched a movie @ Causeway Point Cathay-THE PERFECT GETAWAY!-psycho movie. hahahaha...After that we just chilled and talked alot about life. I learned an handful today. And I hope Ragu did too. -pls read the BOOK!!!!!! It was a day well spent. I had fun. And I am glad to have met them both, somehow they both have taught me to appreciate life as it is. The more we share stories, the faster time flies!
So here I am now sitting at home and trying to find something to write in my 1500 words essay. MUST BE POSITIVE!-im gonna make this essay an awesome one! wahahahahahahaha....
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement, nothing can be done without hope and confidence."
"They may forget what you said but they will never forget how you made them feel."
"Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny."
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
everything's changing.
lately i have been meeting so many random people. I seriously have no idea why. But somehow I know there is a learning lesson behind all of it. *must be positive!*
Although i make new friends, I never forget the old ones. I cherish all of them, friends surprisingly make up 75% of our life. Interesting ain't it? So its always important to make new friends and socialize around, no one has the rights to make anyone feel small or unliked. life's too short for continous misunderstandings. lets just live life for today and be happy, for tmwr may never come...
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
- Mahatma Gandhi
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we took so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened up for us”
- Helen Keller
“Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter of ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.”
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
- Thomas A Edison
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus when the limo breaks down.”
- Oprah Winfrey
“Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting”
- Elizabeth Bibesco
just reading all this quotes makes me feel happy and loved. it seriously does. =)
Although i make new friends, I never forget the old ones. I cherish all of them, friends surprisingly make up 75% of our life. Interesting ain't it? So its always important to make new friends and socialize around, no one has the rights to make anyone feel small or unliked. life's too short for continous misunderstandings. lets just live life for today and be happy, for tmwr may never come...
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
- Mahatma Gandhi
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we took so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened up for us”
- Helen Keller
“Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter of ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.”
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
- Thomas A Edison
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus when the limo breaks down.”
- Oprah Winfrey
“Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting”
- Elizabeth Bibesco
just reading all this quotes makes me feel happy and loved. it seriously does. =)
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
"kaadhal vandhu theendum varai iruvarum thaniththani
kaadhalin pon sangili inaiththadhu kanmani
kadalilae mazhaiveezhndhapin endhaththuli mazhaiththuli
kaadhalil adhupoala naan kalandhittaen kaadhali
thirumagal thiruppaadham pidiththuvittaen
dhinamoru pudhuppaadal padiththuvittaen
anjali anjali ennuyirk kaadhali"
"seedhaiyin kaadhal anru vizhi vazhi nuzhaindhadhu
koadhaiyin kaadhalinru sevi vazhi pughundhadhu
ennavoa en nenjilae isai vandhu thulaiththadhu
isai vandha paadhai vazhi thamizh mella nuzhaindhadhu
isai vandha dhisai paarththu manam kuzhaindhaen
thamizh vandha dhisai paarththu uyir kasindhaen
anjali anjali ival thalaikkaadhali..."
kaadhalin pon sangili inaiththadhu kanmani
kadalilae mazhaiveezhndhapin endhaththuli mazhaiththuli
kaadhalil adhupoala naan kalandhittaen kaadhali
thirumagal thiruppaadham pidiththuvittaen
dhinamoru pudhuppaadal padiththuvittaen
anjali anjali ennuyirk kaadhali"
"seedhaiyin kaadhal anru vizhi vazhi nuzhaindhadhu
koadhaiyin kaadhalinru sevi vazhi pughundhadhu
ennavoa en nenjilae isai vandhu thulaiththadhu
isai vandha paadhai vazhi thamizh mella nuzhaindhadhu
isai vandha dhisai paarththu manam kuzhaindhaen
thamizh vandha dhisai paarththu uyir kasindhaen
anjali anjali ival thalaikkaadhali..."
never expect anything.
never keep your hopes and dreams clustered together on someone, cause people will hurt you. always base your hopes and dreams on goals, cause goals keep you moving forward and they prevent you falling back hard on your ass. life has been pretty interesting lately, i have been meeting people with a hell load of problems. hahaha...like as if mine's not enough for me to handle. but unknowingly, i have been a listening ear to others. i don't know if i had made any form of impact in their lives, but i know i am learning something new each day. I don't know where all this is leading me and why I'm having mixed feelings but I sure know that the best part of this journey is yet to come. I shall remain positive and give out good vibes to others while i can. nights.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
life's moving so quickly.
well, my vacation period has officially come to an end. school starts tmrw. haiz..but i must say this vacation period has been a good escape for me. i made new friends, spent time with my old friends and had a lot of healthy laughter in between. i met people whom shared the same interest and hobbies as me. And i ve learned quite abit from here and there. overall, i would grade this holiday as a B++. wahahaha...
Can't believe i'm starting sem 2 from tmrw. hahaha. i still feel so new to school. before i know it..3 years of school would be done and over with. Can't wait. wahaha..to suffer i mean.
Diwali passed by very quietly this year. Aatha's memories is all we have left. Her house still remains..but she's no longer there. I miss her cooking, nothing beats it.-imma pig. And i still do miss her. Two day ago, I was at her place. Entering her room brought me back to the time when she was still around. Her presence still lingers. I could still smell her scent in her room. there were tears shed that day. But we all have to stick around to comfort each other.-that's what family is all about, isn't it? i really hope we will all be united always..and not only in times of need, but in times of joy too.
with u till the finishing line aatha.
"light a candle,
see it glow,
watch it dance,
when you feel low,
think of me,
think of light,
I'll always be here,
day or night,
a candle flickers,
out of sight,
but in your heart,
I still burn bright,
think not of sadness,
that I'm not near,
think of gladness,
and joyous cheer,
I have not left,
I am not gone,
I'm here to stay my little one,
so when you light a candle
and you see it glow
and you watch it dance
in your heart you'll know
that I would never leave you
even when you feel so blue
I'm sitting up here with the Lord
and now watching over you.."
watch over us aatha. keep us all together.
Can't believe i'm starting sem 2 from tmrw. hahaha. i still feel so new to school. before i know it..3 years of school would be done and over with. Can't wait. wahaha..to suffer i mean.
Diwali passed by very quietly this year. Aatha's memories is all we have left. Her house still remains..but she's no longer there. I miss her cooking, nothing beats it.-imma pig. And i still do miss her. Two day ago, I was at her place. Entering her room brought me back to the time when she was still around. Her presence still lingers. I could still smell her scent in her room. there were tears shed that day. But we all have to stick around to comfort each other.-that's what family is all about, isn't it? i really hope we will all be united always..and not only in times of need, but in times of joy too.
with u till the finishing line aatha.
"light a candle,
see it glow,
watch it dance,
when you feel low,
think of me,
think of light,
I'll always be here,
day or night,
a candle flickers,
out of sight,
but in your heart,
I still burn bright,
think not of sadness,
that I'm not near,
think of gladness,
and joyous cheer,
I have not left,
I am not gone,
I'm here to stay my little one,
so when you light a candle
and you see it glow
and you watch it dance
in your heart you'll know
that I would never leave you
even when you feel so blue
I'm sitting up here with the Lord
and now watching over you.."
watch over us aatha. keep us all together.
Monday, September 7, 2009
frustrated.
i want something i can hold onto and keep myself happy. i have been living my life for others, when am i going to live it for myself? when i'm 50?
I miss aatha so much today. especially now. i miss her smell, the rainbow balm's smell on her, the powder...that special scent only she had..i miss it. i dunno why but i am missing her sooo much. i can't stop the waterfall on my face. i feel like crying till my head falls off. why is it so hard to cope with lost? i know aatha is like god now. we can't see her anymore. but we can believe in her and she'll answer our prayers.
today samutra akka msged all of us. she told us all to just pray and let aatha be happy. reading that sms broke my heart into pieces. i know she's hurting inside but she's just trying to be positive. but, how strong can one be? for how long?
hoping for a brighter day..
"I float in a pool of darkness
Cold presses in on me
I am alone
Floating aimlessly
I reach for sparks of hope
But rather than warm
They only burn.."
I miss aatha so much today. especially now. i miss her smell, the rainbow balm's smell on her, the powder...that special scent only she had..i miss it. i dunno why but i am missing her sooo much. i can't stop the waterfall on my face. i feel like crying till my head falls off. why is it so hard to cope with lost? i know aatha is like god now. we can't see her anymore. but we can believe in her and she'll answer our prayers.
today samutra akka msged all of us. she told us all to just pray and let aatha be happy. reading that sms broke my heart into pieces. i know she's hurting inside but she's just trying to be positive. but, how strong can one be? for how long?
hoping for a brighter day..
"I float in a pool of darkness
Cold presses in on me
I am alone
Floating aimlessly
I reach for sparks of hope
But rather than warm
They only burn.."
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
A week has passed..
been a week since Aatha left us. wounds are still fresh and memories still hurt.
i can't seem to forget that day she left us but i have come to accept it gradually.
She is now at ease and her soul is peaceful. She has not come to any of our dreams.
it feels like it has been so long since she left us. Last week was extremely draining.
Tomorrow is my last exam paper, i have seriously not studied very well for this semester's exams..but i know i will pass, just not so fantastically! I will pick myself up and slap reality in soon..
till then..WHATEVER!
i can't seem to forget that day she left us but i have come to accept it gradually.
She is now at ease and her soul is peaceful. She has not come to any of our dreams.
it feels like it has been so long since she left us. Last week was extremely draining.
Tomorrow is my last exam paper, i have seriously not studied very well for this semester's exams..but i know i will pass, just not so fantastically! I will pick myself up and slap reality in soon..
till then..WHATEVER!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
luv.u.always.
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall,
but God's always ready, to answer your call.
He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips can calm every fear.
Your sorrows may linger throughout the night,
but suddenly vanish at dawns early light.
The Savior is waiting somewhere above,
to give you His grace and send you His love.
Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
God always sends rainbows, after the rain.
You can't tap your back for a job well done.
You can't hug yourself for comfort.
You can't cry on your shoulders when tears fall.
That's why you have GOD in your life,
so let Him do whatever you can't.
thanks sarah, for this heart warming poem.
God, now it's your turn to take Aatha in ur heavy palms and watch over her like you always did.
but God's always ready, to answer your call.
He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips can calm every fear.
Your sorrows may linger throughout the night,
but suddenly vanish at dawns early light.
The Savior is waiting somewhere above,
to give you His grace and send you His love.
Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
God always sends rainbows, after the rain.
You can't tap your back for a job well done.
You can't hug yourself for comfort.
You can't cry on your shoulders when tears fall.
That's why you have GOD in your life,
so let Him do whatever you can't.
thanks sarah, for this heart warming poem.
God, now it's your turn to take Aatha in ur heavy palms and watch over her like you always did.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
the day she left.
17 august 2009, Monday @ 2323hrs my beloved grandmother left us all. She gasped her last 5 breathes very slowly and finally on her last breathe, she opened up her eyes effortlessly and had one good look at us all before she left this world.
18 august 2009, Tuesday. Today was her funeral. i really miss her so much now. i have never felt so much pain at one go in my life. doing her final rights prepared us to let her go. there was so much of tears shed today but i know my grandomther still lives within us. Although now we cant touch or smell her anymore...she's still around. God pls do take care of her.
i grew more attached to my grandmother ever since her last Operation. nursing her, built our bond. a bond so strong that no one could replace or take away. i feel very miserable yet blessed at the same time. i was given a chance to shower her and dress her up for the last time. i really miss u Aatha. i'm feeling so upset with everything. how i still wish this was all a bad dream..
18 august 2009, Tuesday 2015hrs. We came back to Aatha's house after going back for a shower. She now lives behind a glass framed photograph. i saw her framed photo with a oil lamp and her specs that we put on for her before that brought her to mandai crematorium. i can still hear them crying and shouting "govinda govinda.." i really miss her. my heart is so bruised with all that has happened.
and all i want Aatha to know is that "I love you very much and thank you so much for everything Aatha..And Aatha pls don't worry about amma, i will promise to take good care of her."
18 august 2009, Tuesday. Today was her funeral. i really miss her so much now. i have never felt so much pain at one go in my life. doing her final rights prepared us to let her go. there was so much of tears shed today but i know my grandomther still lives within us. Although now we cant touch or smell her anymore...she's still around. God pls do take care of her.
i grew more attached to my grandmother ever since her last Operation. nursing her, built our bond. a bond so strong that no one could replace or take away. i feel very miserable yet blessed at the same time. i was given a chance to shower her and dress her up for the last time. i really miss u Aatha. i'm feeling so upset with everything. how i still wish this was all a bad dream..
18 august 2009, Tuesday 2015hrs. We came back to Aatha's house after going back for a shower. She now lives behind a glass framed photograph. i saw her framed photo with a oil lamp and her specs that we put on for her before that brought her to mandai crematorium. i can still hear them crying and shouting "govinda govinda.." i really miss her. my heart is so bruised with all that has happened.
and all i want Aatha to know is that "I love you very much and thank you so much for everything Aatha..And Aatha pls don't worry about amma, i will promise to take good care of her."
Sunday, August 16, 2009
just a little while more...pls..
Time is running out...Hang in there Aatha..
I know it hurts..
I can see it all in your eyes..
You have always been our pillar of strength..
All the nagging and shouting back then, seems so distant now..
I will promise to make things better, if you wake up and say something..
Your final departure is taking a toll on us all..
Watching you suffer silently is making me feel numb in the knees..
Vilasini sinama cried today..She really misses you...Amuna sinama too..
I know it hurts..
I can see it all in your eyes..
You have always been our pillar of strength..
All the nagging and shouting back then, seems so distant now..
I will promise to make things better, if you wake up and say something..
Your final departure is taking a toll on us all..
Watching you suffer silently is making me feel numb in the knees..
Vilasini sinama cried today..She really misses you...Amuna sinama too..
"Dear god,
I have finally gathered enough strength to say...PLEASE TAKE CARE HER AWAY FROM ALL THIS SUFFERING. Although I don't know if this is what I want..I still want you to put an end to all of her pain. She deserves something better..But before you take her with you to be with Thatha..Please give my family the strength and courage to face the hurdle of losing a loved one.."
When it's real, feelings hard to conceal
Can't imagine all the pain I feel
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still living your life, after death..
Every step I take,
every move I make
Every single day,
every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinkin of the days,
when you went away
What a life to take,
what a bond to break
I'll be missing you....
I have finally gathered enough strength to say...PLEASE TAKE CARE HER AWAY FROM ALL THIS SUFFERING. Although I don't know if this is what I want..I still want you to put an end to all of her pain. She deserves something better..But before you take her with you to be with Thatha..Please give my family the strength and courage to face the hurdle of losing a loved one.."
When it's real, feelings hard to conceal
Can't imagine all the pain I feel
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still living your life, after death..
Every step I take,
every move I make
Every single day,
every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinkin of the days,
when you went away
What a life to take,
what a bond to break
I'll be missing you....
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Aatha, please don't go..
E.O.L
End Of Life they call it. Now aatha's cancer is spreading, she's struggling to stay awake and she has lost all her strength to carry on. Her movements are now minimal. The hospice doctor has stopped all her current medication instead he has started her on Morphine (the happy medicine for cancer patients). She perspires very badly this days. She doesn't wake up to persistent calling. She is just slowly preparing us for her final departure. I don't know how to react to this situation. I can't seem to let go. I sincerely love her from the bottom of my apex. And i'm feeling so miserable. I cry secretly behind my closed doors. I have to appear brave for the others whom are much weaker than me. Today i saw the worries and sorrows filling Vilasini sinama's eyes as she spoke about aatha. Aatha's condition is taking a toll on her too. Our family is shaken, Aatha has always kept us together. She was always there and somehow, we all took her for granted. Now that when she's leaving us all for GOOD or for BAD, we seem to realise the importance of her presence.
How can i tell aatha that i love her and i am grateful for having her?? How am i going to tell her that i'll miss her?? I can't imagine doing her last rights for her..I just can't!
I still remember that LAST SUNDAY we all had with her. Her face, her voice, her touch all still lingers around me. I can't forget the look on her eyes when were all leaving that day. She knew her operation was coming that following Tuesday. She looked helpless, frightened, unsure, sad and lost..but yet she sent us off at the gate smiling.
Why is cancer so selfish? It has taken away so many peoples' happiness.
How i wish all this was a BAD DREAM! I wish i can wake up tomorrow and call Aatha house just to hear her voice over the phone..how i wish.
"Aatha, please don't go.."
End Of Life they call it. Now aatha's cancer is spreading, she's struggling to stay awake and she has lost all her strength to carry on. Her movements are now minimal. The hospice doctor has stopped all her current medication instead he has started her on Morphine (the happy medicine for cancer patients). She perspires very badly this days. She doesn't wake up to persistent calling. She is just slowly preparing us for her final departure. I don't know how to react to this situation. I can't seem to let go. I sincerely love her from the bottom of my apex. And i'm feeling so miserable. I cry secretly behind my closed doors. I have to appear brave for the others whom are much weaker than me. Today i saw the worries and sorrows filling Vilasini sinama's eyes as she spoke about aatha. Aatha's condition is taking a toll on her too. Our family is shaken, Aatha has always kept us together. She was always there and somehow, we all took her for granted. Now that when she's leaving us all for GOOD or for BAD, we seem to realise the importance of her presence.
How can i tell aatha that i love her and i am grateful for having her?? How am i going to tell her that i'll miss her?? I can't imagine doing her last rights for her..I just can't!
I still remember that LAST SUNDAY we all had with her. Her face, her voice, her touch all still lingers around me. I can't forget the look on her eyes when were all leaving that day. She knew her operation was coming that following Tuesday. She looked helpless, frightened, unsure, sad and lost..but yet she sent us off at the gate smiling.
Why is cancer so selfish? It has taken away so many peoples' happiness.
How i wish all this was a BAD DREAM! I wish i can wake up tomorrow and call Aatha house just to hear her voice over the phone..how i wish.
"Aatha, please don't go.."
Sunday, July 19, 2009
oh my...i'll soon be 21!
2 days time i'll be 21..
this 20 years of life has been a roller coaster. there were so many good times, so much of laughter and so much of love in between. though there was hurt and pain along the way, i have learned to understand and let it all go.
when i was a kid, dad used to say i was addicted to "Poove Sempoove", they had to play the song every single night in order for me to sleep. until one night the tape just stopped working..Wahahaha...and he had to sing the song to put me to sleep..each time he mentioned that story, i won't forget the special love and sparkle in his eyes. i love him so much. and surprisingly, that song has an impact on me each time i hear it. i always tend to remember his sparkling eyes. he gave me everything i wanted. though sometimes he couldn't give me what i needed, i still love him.
"poovae semboovae un vaasam varum vaasal en vaasal un poongaavanam vaay paesidum pullaanguzhal needhaanoru poovin madal
(poovae)
nizhal poala naanum nadai poada neeyum thodarginra sondham nedungaala bandham kadal vaanam kooda niram maarak koodum manam konda paasam thadam maaridaadhu naan vaazhum vaazhvae unakkaagaththaanae naal dhoarum nenjil naan aendhum thaenaeennaalum sangeedham sandhoashamae vaay paesidum pullaanguzhal needhaanoru poovin madal
(poovae)
unaippoala naanum oru pillai dhaanaepalar vandhu konjum kilip pillai naanae unaippoala naalum malar soodum penmaividhi ennum noolil vilaiyaadum bommai naan seydha paavam ennoadu poagumnee vaazhndhu nandhaan paarththaalae poadhum ennaalum ennaalum ullaasamae vaay paesidum pullaanguzhal needhanoru poovin madal
(poovae)"
Mum, she was always the hard-headed strong one who gave me only what i needed. she worked very hard to make me the person i am today. talking about it now makes me wanna cry. she loved and cherished me in a very different yet special way. i don't know what life would have been without her, cause there was never a time she left us stranded. even when her world was crumbling, she picked us up and held us through. mum's my pillar of strength.
soon i'll be 21, i just wish to continue being happy, loved and cherished. may more great things come by..
this 20 years of life has been a roller coaster. there were so many good times, so much of laughter and so much of love in between. though there was hurt and pain along the way, i have learned to understand and let it all go.
when i was a kid, dad used to say i was addicted to "Poove Sempoove", they had to play the song every single night in order for me to sleep. until one night the tape just stopped working..Wahahaha...and he had to sing the song to put me to sleep..each time he mentioned that story, i won't forget the special love and sparkle in his eyes. i love him so much. and surprisingly, that song has an impact on me each time i hear it. i always tend to remember his sparkling eyes. he gave me everything i wanted. though sometimes he couldn't give me what i needed, i still love him.
"poovae semboovae un vaasam varum vaasal en vaasal un poongaavanam vaay paesidum pullaanguzhal needhaanoru poovin madal
(poovae)
nizhal poala naanum nadai poada neeyum thodarginra sondham nedungaala bandham kadal vaanam kooda niram maarak koodum manam konda paasam thadam maaridaadhu naan vaazhum vaazhvae unakkaagaththaanae naal dhoarum nenjil naan aendhum thaenaeennaalum sangeedham sandhoashamae vaay paesidum pullaanguzhal needhaanoru poovin madal
(poovae)
unaippoala naanum oru pillai dhaanaepalar vandhu konjum kilip pillai naanae unaippoala naalum malar soodum penmaividhi ennum noolil vilaiyaadum bommai naan seydha paavam ennoadu poagumnee vaazhndhu nandhaan paarththaalae poadhum ennaalum ennaalum ullaasamae vaay paesidum pullaanguzhal needhanoru poovin madal
(poovae)"
Mum, she was always the hard-headed strong one who gave me only what i needed. she worked very hard to make me the person i am today. talking about it now makes me wanna cry. she loved and cherished me in a very different yet special way. i don't know what life would have been without her, cause there was never a time she left us stranded. even when her world was crumbling, she picked us up and held us through. mum's my pillar of strength.
soon i'll be 21, i just wish to continue being happy, loved and cherished. may more great things come by..
Saturday, July 11, 2009
gotta luv urself!!
time now is 12.22am, 12 july 2009. currently at atta's place. Atta's still not doing very well. She's still stuck in a delirium...and it still upsets me. Today we carried her up to the room. With great difficulty we brought her back to her room, and i'm secretly hoping that it will re-generate her thoughts and maybe....just maybe...she'll come back to us..the feeling is just very different now...
well tmrw is Punitha akka's nichiyam (the groom side will come and ask for the bride's hand for marriage), i'm pretty excitied about the whole thing..maybe because i've never seen such a thing before, it's not a regular norm in singapore.
time: 12.29am, sinama is listening to the radio..Atta is still sleeping, Kalsheny is talking about Esu..Sowmia is chatting away too..hahahaha..we are disturbing Atta's peace..
Lately I've been reading alot and i must say, it has been very enlightening. It has opened up my views to many narrow ideas. And reading is very encouraging and self-motivating too. I feel so much better about myself in a lot of aspects. And i must sincerely thank Honeysha for introducing it to me. In any situation, we have to believe and trust ourselves in order to succeed. only we can make ourselves happy, we should never expect someone else to make us happy...it never works. we are our best motivators..i've been trying it out and i must say, it has been working out just fine for me...u should try it too..
i'm randomly missing mahendran. hahaha..loosubai!
well tmrw is Punitha akka's nichiyam (the groom side will come and ask for the bride's hand for marriage), i'm pretty excitied about the whole thing..maybe because i've never seen such a thing before, it's not a regular norm in singapore.
time: 12.29am, sinama is listening to the radio..Atta is still sleeping, Kalsheny is talking about Esu..Sowmia is chatting away too..hahahaha..we are disturbing Atta's peace..
Lately I've been reading alot and i must say, it has been very enlightening. It has opened up my views to many narrow ideas. And reading is very encouraging and self-motivating too. I feel so much better about myself in a lot of aspects. And i must sincerely thank Honeysha for introducing it to me. In any situation, we have to believe and trust ourselves in order to succeed. only we can make ourselves happy, we should never expect someone else to make us happy...it never works. we are our best motivators..i've been trying it out and i must say, it has been working out just fine for me...u should try it too..
i'm randomly missing mahendran. hahaha..loosubai!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
haish!
the school week has officially started and i've been running around like a mad dog tryna keep it all together, in school! i had to hand in all the 22 freaking 1000words essay to a VERY ANNOYING lecturer!-i hate her, she's so fake and sickening! sigh!
and God, thank you for blessing me with assholes for group members! i couldn't thank you any lesser! Sometimes i wonder why some people even bother coming to school. They are given such a priority in the poly yet they fail to make full use of the knowledge! FREE LOADERS! they practically wait for someone to do everything for them. It's people like them who make me hate going to school. But yeah, WHATEVER! I'm here to learn and if you are not here for the same reason, please don't waste other peoples time!
I have a theory test tmrw and it's so last minute. the teacher in charge of that particular module is so unreliable! She doesn't know whats going on i suppose. And its a waste that the goverment is paying her cos all she ever wants us to do is GO AND WATCH CBT!
A teacher-a person who teaches or instructs, esp. as a profession; instructor. So please do your work promptly! Its your rice-bowl!
Students will always be students!-
any person who studies, investigates, or examines thoughtfully: a student of human nature.
even though students suck blood, its still the job of an educator to teach!!
i'm sick of self-directed learning!!
tmrw is gonna be a brighter day, i hope!
and God, thank you for blessing me with assholes for group members! i couldn't thank you any lesser! Sometimes i wonder why some people even bother coming to school. They are given such a priority in the poly yet they fail to make full use of the knowledge! FREE LOADERS! they practically wait for someone to do everything for them. It's people like them who make me hate going to school. But yeah, WHATEVER! I'm here to learn and if you are not here for the same reason, please don't waste other peoples time!
I have a theory test tmrw and it's so last minute. the teacher in charge of that particular module is so unreliable! She doesn't know whats going on i suppose. And its a waste that the goverment is paying her cos all she ever wants us to do is GO AND WATCH CBT!
A teacher-a person who teaches or instructs, esp. as a profession; instructor. So please do your work promptly! Its your rice-bowl!
Students will always be students!-
any person who studies, investigates, or examines thoughtfully: a student of human nature.
even though students suck blood, its still the job of an educator to teach!!
i'm sick of self-directed learning!!
tmrw is gonna be a brighter day, i hope!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
H1N1?
OMG!
Just after the class gathering, i was down with FLU, FEVER, BODYACHES! the three atypical signs of h1n1..i was so sick last saturday that my mum had to drag me to see a doctor. my poor old lady..she loves me so much yet she refuses to show it very often. (ps.i love her 2) So we went to the GP at 12.30pm, the Doc refused to see me. He only checked my temperature (38.7 degrees) and called for the ambulance (993) to come fetch me to tan tock seng hospital. He refused to treat me. So yeah, there i was hanging onto dear life..(ok! i sound so melo-dramatic!) i waited for the idiotic civic ambulance to come. they only arrived @ 3.35pm and by then i was giddy and nausea..i sat in the awful smelling ambulance and nearly died cos the dumbass driver was rounding Ang mo Kio for 20 mins, just to reach another avenue to pick up another suspected case..by then i've already pucked and i was looking like a piece of waste material! And the old chinese lady who came into thge ambulance thought i died. she refused to look at me. i guess she thought i was the H1n1 virus itself! She was already wearing a mask yet she covered her nose and mouth region with both her hands! bloody swine!! babi-eating swine! grrr....
i was too weak and sooooooo wasted to purposely cough on her face...so i let her pass..
@ Tan Tock Seng Tentage, time 5.00pm. i was seen by a messy lady doctor. she was quick. she only saw me for 10mins. she I/V cannulated me and took some blood for investigation. gave me some painkiller and zoooooommm she went away....temperature was (39.3 degrees). i slept..on a very uncomfortable trolley. they left me on drips and she only saw me again @ 9.15pm. i only remember her telling me that i was free from H1N1 and i needed to rest alot...what happened after that was history!
singapore's medical treatment receival timing is sooooo lacking. everythng happens in a delay. we are so ready for a outbreak yet we fail to see the smaller issues!...thats something we've gotta improve in our medical response field.
oh yeah, i got well..after alot of crap and pep talks. hahahaha. i love my friends. they are sooo random. just like me...so god pls don't make me sick again like for the next thousand years. if i live that long..........
Just after the class gathering, i was down with FLU, FEVER, BODYACHES! the three atypical signs of h1n1..i was so sick last saturday that my mum had to drag me to see a doctor. my poor old lady..she loves me so much yet she refuses to show it very often. (ps.i love her 2) So we went to the GP at 12.30pm, the Doc refused to see me. He only checked my temperature (38.7 degrees) and called for the ambulance (993) to come fetch me to tan tock seng hospital. He refused to treat me. So yeah, there i was hanging onto dear life..(ok! i sound so melo-dramatic!) i waited for the idiotic civic ambulance to come. they only arrived @ 3.35pm and by then i was giddy and nausea..i sat in the awful smelling ambulance and nearly died cos the dumbass driver was rounding Ang mo Kio for 20 mins, just to reach another avenue to pick up another suspected case..by then i've already pucked and i was looking like a piece of waste material! And the old chinese lady who came into thge ambulance thought i died. she refused to look at me. i guess she thought i was the H1n1 virus itself! She was already wearing a mask yet she covered her nose and mouth region with both her hands! bloody swine!! babi-eating swine! grrr....
i was too weak and sooooooo wasted to purposely cough on her face...so i let her pass..
@ Tan Tock Seng Tentage, time 5.00pm. i was seen by a messy lady doctor. she was quick. she only saw me for 10mins. she I/V cannulated me and took some blood for investigation. gave me some painkiller and zoooooommm she went away....temperature was (39.3 degrees). i slept..on a very uncomfortable trolley. they left me on drips and she only saw me again @ 9.15pm. i only remember her telling me that i was free from H1N1 and i needed to rest alot...what happened after that was history!
singapore's medical treatment receival timing is sooooo lacking. everythng happens in a delay. we are so ready for a outbreak yet we fail to see the smaller issues!...thats something we've gotta improve in our medical response field.
oh yeah, i got well..after alot of crap and pep talks. hahahaha. i love my friends. they are sooo random. just like me...so god pls don't make me sick again like for the next thousand years. if i live that long..........
Kanmani......
"உண்டான காயம் இங்கு தன்னாலே ஆறிப்போனமாயமென்ன பொன் மானே பொன் மானேஎன்ன காயம் ஆன போதும், என் மேனி தாங்கிக் கொள்ளும்உந்தன் மேனி தாங்காது செந்தேனே.....
எந்தன் காதல் என்னெவென்றுசொல்லாமல் ஏங்க ஏங்க அழுகை வந்ததுஎந்தன் சோகம் உன்னைத் தாக்கும்எண்றெண்ணும் போது வந்த அழுகை நின்றதுமனிதர் உணர்ந்து கொள்ள இது மனிதக்காதல் அல்லஅதையும் தாண்டி புனிதமானது...."
Oh where, Oh where...
Has this beautiful thing called LOVE gone??
i'm so randooooooommmmmmmmmm!
i'm currently watching VIJAY TV's super singer, and i've got no words to express how awesome they are! And they sound so pleasant, some talents we don't usually see in our local scene.. seriously! The judges are so warm and the indians from india are so talented. I remember some time back there was a social riot on "Why the indians from india are smarter than our local indians...", well, for one they are way more "thick-skin" than us. They NEVER EVER let any opportunity to pass by. Even in our local schools, the India Indians are the ones scoring A's in subjects like maths and science. they really seem to appreciate our cruel education system here! Like HELLO! please get a life!! why are you all making us look bad? hahaha...
It's not like we're not trying..we just need to finish the game on our PSBs and XBOX. so yeah..wahahahaha..we singaporeans are so lame and lazy! please slap our parents for supporting this "ang-moh-nized" culture! Well, my parents didn't give me such things. And i learned the hard way so yeah...WHATEVER!
hahahaha...so mahendran, i hope you are reading my random posts. since you were so upset with the fact that i didn't update my blog! I shall promise to update regularly ok..since i'm so freeeeeee....and hey, all the best for your case study ok! My dearest scientist/doctor/nutritionist/techinician/driving instructor/security guard!! best in singapore, sinagpore and some say, singapore...!!!
i'm currently watching VIJAY TV's super singer, and i've got no words to express how awesome they are! And they sound so pleasant, some talents we don't usually see in our local scene.. seriously! The judges are so warm and the indians from india are so talented. I remember some time back there was a social riot on "Why the indians from india are smarter than our local indians...", well, for one they are way more "thick-skin" than us. They NEVER EVER let any opportunity to pass by. Even in our local schools, the India Indians are the ones scoring A's in subjects like maths and science. they really seem to appreciate our cruel education system here! Like HELLO! please get a life!! why are you all making us look bad? hahaha...
It's not like we're not trying..we just need to finish the game on our PSBs and XBOX. so yeah..wahahahaha..we singaporeans are so lame and lazy! please slap our parents for supporting this "ang-moh-nized" culture! Well, my parents didn't give me such things. And i learned the hard way so yeah...WHATEVER!
hahahaha...so mahendran, i hope you are reading my random posts. since you were so upset with the fact that i didn't update my blog! I shall promise to update regularly ok..since i'm so freeeeeee....and hey, all the best for your case study ok! My dearest scientist/doctor/nutritionist/techinician/driving instructor/security guard!! best in singapore, sinagpore and some say, singapore...!!!
1 minute to FAME!
well, yes...i FINALLY tried out for the VSTAR auditions today. AND it sucked pretty bad. i WAS pretty upset that my journey ended even before i could start. Hahahahahahaha...apparently i wasn't dressed LIKE A STAR. the judges didn't let the appearance part slip by. they harped on it for awhile before they heard me sing. And singing on a mic was terrible. but hey, i took it all in with a BIG SMILE.
i feel contented today. even though i didn't make it into the competition, i still feel like a winner. and i guess i've finally found the reason to why i wanted to join in the first place! "i wanted to meet new people, i wanted to make new friends!"-i secretly envied shankara because HE made some nice friends! But hey, i too met some nice people. some people whom names i can't remember right now. all of them were nice and warm. putting myself out there today wasn't an easy thing but i seemed to act out my part pretty well. come on, tell me! who wants to be left on a HOT SPOT-where people are judging your appearance, personality, first impressions and etc....? NO ONE! no one wants to feel so small and helpless...
i've come to realise that people aren't what they seem to be. Well, did you know that Mr Chandramohan (a judge from VSTAR!) was actually a part-time Taxi driver. I once boarded his taxi with my family and you know what...He was really a very nice person inside out. He was so friendly and cheerful that we were all talking till we arrived at our destination. But today, he wasn't that same person...instead, he was snobbish, rude, hurtful and mocking..i didn't remember him like i used too. well, its ok to be honest..i don't mind taking critisms but i didn't appreciate the way he had to put his statements across. it was like as if he was trying to be someone else...My question is WHY? Why let the media change your aura? why be something else??....
i'm not going to change myself...but i will repent and learn from the experience i've gained today..it has given something to think about...tc. till next time..
i feel contented today. even though i didn't make it into the competition, i still feel like a winner. and i guess i've finally found the reason to why i wanted to join in the first place! "i wanted to meet new people, i wanted to make new friends!"-i secretly envied shankara because HE made some nice friends! But hey, i too met some nice people. some people whom names i can't remember right now. all of them were nice and warm. putting myself out there today wasn't an easy thing but i seemed to act out my part pretty well. come on, tell me! who wants to be left on a HOT SPOT-where people are judging your appearance, personality, first impressions and etc....? NO ONE! no one wants to feel so small and helpless...
i've come to realise that people aren't what they seem to be. Well, did you know that Mr Chandramohan (a judge from VSTAR!) was actually a part-time Taxi driver. I once boarded his taxi with my family and you know what...He was really a very nice person inside out. He was so friendly and cheerful that we were all talking till we arrived at our destination. But today, he wasn't that same person...instead, he was snobbish, rude, hurtful and mocking..i didn't remember him like i used too. well, its ok to be honest..i don't mind taking critisms but i didn't appreciate the way he had to put his statements across. it was like as if he was trying to be someone else...My question is WHY? Why let the media change your aura? why be something else??....
i'm not going to change myself...but i will repent and learn from the experience i've gained today..it has given something to think about...tc. till next time..
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
hey ya..2009.
well..as much as i hate blogging..haha. i think i still need a revenue to pour out my feelings..HAHA. tht sounds so lame.
its been a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time since i blog'd. (or even bothered to check...LOL!)
Poly life's pretty much kicking in. I made new friends but i still miss the old ones. I had so many dreams about poly, but nothing seem to match up to my dreams.
i miss working and being carefree.i miss my life.i feel so stressed (during psychology lecture, Mr Mario mentioned that STRESS is a good thing! OH, he's cute btw!).i have so many projects to finish. AND It has only been 5wks since school started.
its been a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time since i blog'd. (or even bothered to check...LOL!)
Poly life's pretty much kicking in. I made new friends but i still miss the old ones. I had so many dreams about poly, but nothing seem to match up to my dreams.
i miss working and being carefree.i miss my life.i feel so stressed (during psychology lecture, Mr Mario mentioned that STRESS is a good thing! OH, he's cute btw!).i have so many projects to finish. AND It has only been 5wks since school started.
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