10months ago.

10 months ago I thought everything was going to be okay, but I was wrong. Everything seemed to turn ugly instead. Missing you is not just a thought, it's much deeper than pain itself. Where are you? And why did you have to leave?! Days go by quickly but the pain within remains. I can't sleep in peace anymore. I have constant nightmares of the hospital calling me and telling "pls come down immediately, your father has collapsed, we are resuscitating him now." nightmares are uglier each day. And I can't express it. No one is going to understand. They say, when it's over, IT'S OVER. They lied! It's never over, it's a new beginning to something much more scarier. I'm scared and I'm lonely. Very lonely. I have so many things running through my mind every minute. Most are scary ones. Even after 10months.

Bewafa!

Punjabi

Gal Sun Mere tu mutiyare,
Ki samjhe apne aap nu?
Mere vangaro tu Ki ki kardi,
ae gal bus tu hi jandi,
Menu sufayan pesh na kar,
rab kolo thora jeha durr!!
Sikh ja ke pyar karne de val,
jhoote sang sade ik ik pal.

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu!!

Jado nere mere kol tu hove,
yaadaan vichh door tu khove.
Sanu sadni ae naa oda leke,
tenu pende ode phuleke.
Menu kuch kendi na hun lor,
mera dil torke tu na hun tor,
yaa tere chaida na ho,
saade pyar di nishaniyat tu mor.

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu!!

Mere zindagi’ch kyu tu ayi?
yaari kyu ni tu nibhayi?
Kiti sadi naal bewafayi,
sanu de kuriyee jawaab?
dus de keri gul di,
sanu deriyee sazaaaa??
Rowe gi menu yaad karke,
rowe gi menu yaad karke!!

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu!!

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tuu!!



English


Listen to me darling,
Who/ what do you think you are?
What you do behind my back
Only you know this,
Stop giving me excuses
And be at least a little scared of God,
Go and learn how to truly love someone,
All of our moments together were a lie.

Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me
Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me

when ever you’re with me,
You get lost in your memories
You sadden me by saying his name,
Your happiness comes from him
I don’t need to say anything now,
You’ve already broken my heart, don’t break it more,
Whether I need you or not,
Give back the significance of out love.

Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me
Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me

why did you come into my life?
Why didn’t you stand by me?
You betrayed me,
Girl, give me an answer,
Tell me what my mistake was,
That you’ve given me this punishment,
You’re going to remember me and cry,
You’re going to remember me and cry!!

Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me
Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me

Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me
Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be
Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me

love.

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are :)

-Bruno Mars

Now what?

I dunno wads life driving at. I'm 23 this year, I look at my other girl friends, they are either attached or getting married. I used to be least bothered about all this but I guess it's finally hitting me. When will I meet someone nice and how will life change? I often get panic attacks for no rhyme or reasons this days. I over think a lot! And I freak myself out easily. Am I going mad? I wonder.. Oh yes, I have developed a distinct dislike for private nursing. I just don't feel like working so hard. I have been working like a dog since I have graduated from ITE. I never had a chance to take a break. I just always had countless bills and debts to settle. I used to work so hard to please the people around me. Now I'm questioning myself on why I did all those things. I just don't know. Sutha Akka mentioned that perhaps I should go for a short holiday to unwind and come back with a whole bag of positivity. But where do I go for the money to fund a holiday? What do I do? I'm so confused. How I wish someone will come along and allay all my anxiety. Oh by the way, yesterday was bad. I got reminded of my father's departure. God! I was crying like a baby in the bus back from sutha akka's place. I just miss him so much. Bloody old man! Why did he have to die?! That's still the golden question..isn't it?

Unspeakable.

I still cannot forget the ugly face as she pinned me down and punched me multiple times over the same region. Her selfish and unkind words. All so ungrateful and painful, it still haunts whenever I think of forgiving her. Wounds have healed but the ugly and terrifying sight of her absurd behavior still leaves me wondering how she could have even dared to hit me. All this years of physical and mental labour just to help give her a better life has come to a drastic end. She has proven to be a very selfish person. Never has she once paid for anything I have used. Instead she stayed for free and used me in return. I hate her. From the bottom of my heart I really hate her. She's a ugly stain. And I refuse to forgive her!

i came across this on the internet..

a song about the man i love..hahahaha..


When the mellow moon begins to beam,
Ev'ry night I dream a little dream;
And of course Prince Charming is the theme:
The he for me.
Although I realize as well as you
It is seldom that a dream comes true,
To me it's clear
That he'll appear.
Some day he'll come along,
The man I love;
And he'll be big and strong,
The man I love;
And when he comes my way,
I'll do my best to make him stay.
He'll look at me and smile
I'll understand;
And in a little while
He'll take my hand;
And though it seems absurd,
I know we both won't say a word.
Maybe I shall meet him Sunday,
Maybe Monday, maybe not;
Still I'm sure to meet him one day
Maybe Tuesday
Will be my good news day.
He'll build a little home
Just meant for two;
From which I'll never roam
Who would? Would you?
And so all else above,
I'm waiting for the man I love!

anyway, one day he may appear, THE MAN I LOVE. and he'll LOVE ME MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD. the man i love..hahaha.