Papa dearest :)

Not a day goes by without me missing you dearest appa. How I'm still wishing that all this was a very horrible and bad nightmare. I took you for granted. Everything you said and did for me all remains in my memory vividly. I have put you down one too many times but you have always brushed it aside. You know appa, there were so many things that I wanted to do for you. But just before I can do it, you decided to pull the plug. I wanted to take driving pa, I wanted to rent a car and drive you around the whole week after I pass my tp. I know that would have made you happy. You wanted to dine in at jack's place days before your admission at tan tock seng, I had the money, and I rmbr telling you "let's go appa", you ever so nicely said "it's ok ma, keep the money, don't waste it." why appa? Why did you act like everything was ok when really nothing was ok? When you were critically ill at nuh, you always smiled to hide your misery, you gave me hope to believe, while you struggled to fight the battle. On my birthday this year, I visited you. Your eyes were wide open, you were excersizing your hands. You looked so cute. I asked you whether you rmbrd wad day it was, you nodded your head. I told u I was 22, u looked at me amazed. You then touched my face and u started crying, you hugged me. I cried and cried. That day was a torture appa. It was so painful. I miss u appa. Who's gonna hear me out now? Hmmm..