I found myself.

well, the best part of today was the fact that i left my bike practical halfway! yes, you heard me right! i left halfway!! and the first person i called was pugeynes. i felt incompetent, lousy, hopeless and useless! can u imagine how much of negativity i was harbouring?! during the practical, all i was thinking about was my surrounding, the people around me (other riders looking at me), what that worthless ragu said (he said i was too heavy to ride a bike and i really had to lose some weight!), and the not-so-motivating instructor (who was talking too loudly to make me feel humiliated!). i TOTALLY forgot to think about myself and my dream! i was stuck living their nightmare. what had happened to me? Where's the courageous girl who resided inside of me? Has she left the building? She is so strong that she hides the fear and moves forward, no matter how tough the going gets! where is she? I called mahendran next and told him what happened. he didn't say a word of discouragement, instead he told that it was just a bad day and i had to focus on what i want and how to achieve it. Everything Pugeynes and Mahen said didn't strike a cord while i was interacting with them. I was stuck in a daze, sitting at the bus stop, looking at each and every passing bike. But now i am feeling so much better. I met Pugeynes and we slacked at her place till the wee hours. Finally when I was leaving (by the way, she and I live one block away from each other!), we sat under the block and I told her exactly what happened. I was amazed with myself, i told her the parts of bike, how to start and move off, where my mistakes were, what i was doing and how it all happened. As i spoke about it, i felt better, she made me feel better, the same way she used to make me feel during our secondary school days. It was like i was reliving my seconday school moments with her, she always being my pillar of strength. Standing up for me if ceremony arises! She taught me how to fight for myself and how to love myself before others. I kind of forgot that feeling. I have forgotten me, myself and i in the process of growing up. Although life has changed dramatically for both of us, we were still the same old kids but forced to live like adults! So many things are running through my mind right now! (time check: 0422hrs 27/11/10) I am finally feeling ambitious, for the right reasons now. After a long time of misjudgement and wrong paths, I have finally found myself. I now need to bring myself home, a place I have been missing all this while.